The Path to Healing Isn’t Straight and That’s Okay

By Erin Hoffert

At the beginning of Psalm 139 David writes “you have searched me and known me” (ESV) he then goes on to extrapolate with great conviction the all-knowing, all-encompassing, all-surrounding love of God. Perhaps a reason that David so wholeheartedly declared that the Lord, knowing all the depravity that he was capable of, remained steadfastly attached to him was because he allowed God to come close to every area of his heart. Even the parts that brought him great shame. 

Like David, most of us have experienced pain and caused pain to others. Everyone has a memory or experience they would rather forget. Many times, I have heard an individual express a sentiment that sounds something like, “That was so long ago, I don’t want to remember all that. I just want to move forward.” Though this feeling is understandable it does present a challenge. Knowing we have a God-given free will that the Lord will not violate, can we truly know God and, therefore, know ourselves if we keep parts of ourselves hidden from Him? 

I do not mean to suggest that we need to relive traumatic and painful wounds in detail. Indeed, I do not believe revisiting memories is always necessary or helpful. However, when trauma is left alone it is unable to move forward as the rest of our being develops and matures. Instead, that part of our self becomes stuck and, eventually, locked away. These traumas become the parts of ourselves we would rather avoid. But these parts are equally loved by God and deserve to know Him as much as the rest of the heart. 

When we tuck those parts away and put up walls and defence mechanisms (denial, rejection, anger, etc..) around them, we limit our opportunity to know our heavenly Father. This is one reason He allows discomfort into our lives and speaks to us in a manner such as dreams, visions, and circumstances. It is in order that we might see the hidden parts within ourselves and allow them to encounter the heart of God.  We can trust that God will not require us to further suffer through re-living our fear and pain, but instead He comes and gently delivers us from the wrong beliefs and twisted truths that often accompany pain and trauma. God is constantly guiding us towards spiritual transformation. The same God that Paul admonished to the church at Philippi “that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil 1 ESV) is the same God we serve today, and His promise remains true. 

Healing does not often look or feel direct, and that is okay. God knows the perfect healing map our hearts need to find safety and security. Here are three considerations as you contemplate your healing journey:

First, know your why. Your why is the overarching reason you are doing what you are doing.  People who find the most fruit from inner healing tend to be people who come with a why that is larger than specific issues they need healing from. They come with a desire to become wholehearted and are often propelled to seek healing because they are burdened by a sense of dissonance (that vague, unsettling feeling that somehow there is something wrong with you) as they worship God, feeling both a connection and a distance as they come into His presence. 

Second, as much as you are able, let yourself trust in the order and the creativity of the Lord. He has numbered our days and He knows the geography of our hearts. He sees the most painful places in our lives and has a gentle strategy to comfort and validate (heal) our pain.

Third, honour the free will God has given you. Inner healing should not focus on seeking a testimony or on simply being delivered. Sometimes the most healing aspect of an inner healing session for people is simply having their will (boundaries) honoured. Being able to say “no” or “not yet” to Jesus and have Him honour that request can be a profound experience. We serve a God who consistently respects the free will He originally gave.

The goal of inner healing isn’t primarily to change a behaviour or be delivered of an oppressive spirit. While these things absolutely do happen and are not unimportant, the gist of inner healing is that fragments of our hearts that have been locked away in pain come to the Father and find safety and security with Him. As this process takes place, a natural outcome will be seen through behavioral changes. We will find our appetite for sinful behaviors and attitudes greatly diminishes. Healing is a pathway to realizing the Lord already knows you, all of you, and still loves and accepts you. With a little time and patience God will lead you into a place where, even on your darkest days, you are firmly convinced that He absolutely adores you and will never forsake you.